There's No Way I'll Keep This Up

But I try anyway. Greetings to whomever you may be, and welcome to this source of potentially harmful and brain-frying musings by me.

Blogs (colloquial short-hand for "Boring self-aggrandizement...log) have always struck me as somewhat self-indulgent, especially ones that literally and genuinely only present the events in one singular person's lives, as if all of the rest of us care to divert ourselves from twittering about our own follies in upper-middle class Americana.

But you know something? I'm a self-aggrandizing, self-indulgent, boring person, and I'll be golly-gee gadfly-ed if I won't impose that on anyone who brings their contemptuous gaze to this pixelated nightmare.

If you know me, you will not be surprised to learn that I have no particular plans for what I will spew forth on these pages. Just know that you may want to bring a poncho or two, as spewing will be by the hogshead. Until I hear from my local soon-to-be-extinct newspaper, I have no legitimate outlet for writing. This usually results in me trying to compensate by creating spaces to do so, being the sanctimonious bandersnat I am.

It seems as if my pretentious introduction is complete. Now, to sum up my summer thus far:

-So, I guess I graduated from Syracuse University

-Though I expected to do this, it still felt pretty nice.

-Afterwards, I went home, pretended I was NOT an employee of Advanced Cardiac Care for one day before my boss, my dear mother, decided that was unacceptable.

-Regrettably, I returned to my combined EKG Biller/Office Monkey Extraordinaire. I've probably billed you for an EKG.

-Things at home that are exciting: the whole family is engaged in a daily regimen of Wii Fit, which is quite amusing. Never have I met a more judgmental game, however. The program gleefully points out all of your bodily flaws with the help of a capricious, bubbly cast of characters, including a talking balance board, a fitness-freak female trainer and a squeaky voice that always greets me with a disdainful "Oh..." everytime I step on the balance board. Oh, as in, "Oh, it's you, you hideous porcine gastropod."

-Recent times have birthed the highlights of my 15th-to-last summer of living at home. I hosted a chaotic, rambunctious marathon of a graduation party, which featured only 3 (human) casulaties and only one person who needed to be fished out of the pool. My soundtrack of calypso music, Bruce Springsteen, prententious modern jazz and 70's funk was well-received, probably due to the fact that it was mostly inaudible.

-Even cooler, there was this ridiculously violent hail storm during the party, in which the stones were, no lie, the size of strawberries. Baby strawberries, but strawberries. As we were running out of ice, this was a welcome development.

-Kind of a let down after it all ended, though. But good swimming day on Memorial Day, followed by more work, and the impending celebration of my mother's (CENSORED)th birthday tomorrow.

Overall, a swell time. If you made it through all of this, you are a hero. If not, WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!?!

By the way, find the hidden message in this post. May you live long and prosper.